1. Do you think they should add “are you a top or a bottom?” onto corporate personality quizzes or is that too far?
2. If I ask my girlfriend to peg me do you think she’d think I was gay? What if she found out I’d already been pre-loosened back there?
3. I used to make my Bratz dolls scissor as a kid so I understand why you chose to be a lesbian.
4. How do two men do missionary? What if they have rickets?
5. I don’t believe you are bisexual. Otherwise you would be attracted to me. Also are you really bisexual if you don’t listen to Phoebe Bridgers? Aren’t you all supposed to like her?
6. Can I still try polyamory if I’m conventionally attractive?
7. Is it gay to be a nice person? I’m worried if people perceive me as friendly and approachable they might not think I’m straight anymore and that thought deeply troubles me for some reason.
8. I think we should have a straight pride parade every year. It would be so much fun, there would even be fun party games like a guy trying to accurately guess his girlfriend’s birthday and a girl trying to explain to everyone why her deadbeat boyfriend is going to change once she gets pregnant with their fifth child.
9. I don’t believe you are transgender. I can always tell when people are and your hip-to-jaw-to-forehead ratio is telling me otherwise.
10. Being gay is for teenagers and the male members of the cabin crew on long-haul flights. Once you turn 35 or change jobs you grow out of it. Welcome to the real world, libtards.

Ava Young