Lord Coe, president of World Athletics, has noted that athletes are “overwhelmingly supportive” of this initiative, an SRY test designed to check if old bones pose a threat to the integrity of women’s competition. When probed further, he did admit that this was based on results of a poll conducted on X, formerly Twitter, underneath which he had liked comments such as:

The mentioned skeleton, Lucy, is of the species Australopithecus afarensis and is dated from around 3.2 million years ago.

On the other side of the conversation, several prominent archaeologists have been in touch to express their confusion, considering most of their work includes extensive DNA analysis anyway and can Lord Coe please stop breaking into the Egyptian gallery at the British Museum shouting “ARE YOU A MAN OR A WOMAN” at mummified cats.

Lord Coe has said that this initiative has nothing to do with the fact that he was recently beaten by a mummy in the parent race at his children’s sports day.

Serafina Coupe